Getting over yourself (Discovering True Compassion: Rising Above Self-Centeredness)

A dear colleague of mine experienced the heartbreaking loss of a loved one.

Revelation:

The news shook me, so I immediately reached out to other colleagues with whom I assumed we shared the same level of friendship.  I discovered something that left me taken aback. It turned out that many of them had been aware of my friend's loved one's deteriorating health for quite some time. They had been privy to the details of the illness, the various treatments attempted, and the emotional roller coaster she had been riding. I, on the other hand, had been completely oblivious. Nevertheless, I made the decision to visit her and offer my condolences after she returned from the burial.

A short while after I had a chance encounter with another colleague whom I hadn't seen in a while, I mentioned my plans to visit our grieving friend. To my surprise, they delved into a conversation about the illness, sharing all the details I had been unaware of. 

As I listened to him, a seed of doubt was planted in my mind and I could almost feel it germinating and taking root, green leaves budding and all! Did I really need to go and see her in person? Would a phone call not suffice? After all, if she hadn't considered me close enough to confide in during her loved one's illness, why should I drive so far out to town for someone who does not consider me an inner circle friend?

Snapping out of it:

I immediately saw the signs of a downward spiral into victim-topia. I said to myself, “Miriam, STOP THAT NOW!” At that moment, I made a conscious decision to stay true to my initial resolve: I would call MY FRIEND and, importantly, I would GO and offer my condolences IN PERSON. This (waving my hands to show the entirety of the situation) is not about me or my confused feelings and was never about me in the first place. It is about a friend who has been through a tough time and is enduring an unimaginable loss, forever altering the course of her life. Whether she chose me as one of the people to confide in is immaterial. My duty as a friend and colleague is to support her to the extent I can.

 

Lesson: I need to get over myself (sometimes). Adulting is not about centering everything around us. It's about recognizing that the world doesn't revolve solely around our needs and desires. True growth lies in extending grace and compassion to others, even when we feel slighted or overlooked.